Are You Asking the Right Questions?

There is nothing more frustrating than expending a ton of energy and time on a project or a relationship only to realize that you didn't ask the right questions to begin with. 

Good questions are critical to making the kind of progress we want to make.  Good questions help us uncover what we want from our relationships, from our work, from our selves.  

Using The Circle Tool can bring clarity to the questions we are asking.  When we choose representatives for the many sides of a question we can get sudden clarity about what we want and how to get there.

Let's say I am confused about a relationship with a co-worker.  She and I have been good work partners and even friends, but suddenly something happens and a distance grows between us.  I don't know what happened--and I am not sure how to ask her.  Instead, I muddle it about in my head making up stories and wondering if I said or did something that offended her.  I begin to avoid her.  I grow more and more uncomfortable with our relationship, but because I don't know how to ask her what happened, I just sit and stew about it.

Finally, my discomfort forces me to take action.  I take out The Circle Tool and turn it to the blank side.  I choose a representative figure for myself and one for her. As soon as I set these two "people" on the board, a certain calm comes over me. 

I can see that I have placed the two at a distance from one another, but I am not sure why.  She is not "looking" at me but is turned away and looking outside of the edges of my board. This makes me curious.

Is there something on her mind? Something that perhaps has nothing to do with me?  What happens if I move closer to her, maybe even stand right behind her?  Does she need something from me? 

Many questions come to mind, and I can use The Circle Tool to let those questions arise.  I can experiment trying different approaches to closing the gap between us. This process puts time, distance and a certain perspective around the two women that I was not able to get to in my own spinning thoughts.

Moving myself closer to her feels right--so much better than the distancing I have been doing.  I resolve to take her aside and ask her if she needs help with anything right now.  I stop making things up in my mind that only put more distance between us.  I choose to respond rather than react.

Is there a relationship that you are struggling with?  Use The Circle Tool to set up a tabletop constellation and see if you can gain new insight into that relationship.